Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
