i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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