I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
