Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
