Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
