Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
