But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
