I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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