I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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