I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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