I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
