I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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