How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
