Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
