k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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