garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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