who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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