Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
