she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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