I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
