can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
tell me about the eggs
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
