so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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