Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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