i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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