that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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