So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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