We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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