My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
