i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
