Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
