It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
