Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
