I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
