Having a random hookup so left but love u
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
