I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
