You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
