ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
