And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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