My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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