kristin has been a bad kristin
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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