It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
