Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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