Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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