I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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