So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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