someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
