Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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