can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
