we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
