Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
