I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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