I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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