I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
