whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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