The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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