can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
